"Can you pay my bills?" -Destiny's Child
First, let's just be real with each other for a minute. Dating sucks.
Before we get into this, let's take a moment to understand what dating really is. According to my ever-so-reliable friends at Urban Dictionary, dating is described as such:
1. "...the early stages of a relationship where they [a couple] go out on dates to find out what each other is like, as a prelude to actually being a fully fledged couple."
Example: James and Brenda were dating until James tried to fuck her on the third date.
2. "Socially acceptable form of prostitution."
Example: I spent $30 for a movie, before the first base. $50 for lunch, for the second base, and $70 on a romantic dinner before we cut to the chase.
3. "The modern day battlefield of romance where hearts are won and broken, the not-quite so version of chivalry and wooing, an interview for a lover; the lay down some time-and money and see if you get some candy routine..."
I'm not even going to bother including the last example, y'all get the point.
One thing that I noticed, in all three definitions, is that"dating someone" can only occur after the first date.
Sounds logical enough, right?
I think the best way to approach the way we think about this, is with a series of scenarios.
I'll call this "The Kinds of Men Every Black Girl Will Encounter At Some Point in Her Dating Life."
Gentlemen 1: Let's call him Chad. As I'm sure you already guessed, gentleman 1 is Caucasian. He wears Vineyard Vines. He listens to Chance the Rapper and Lil Yachty (which makes you think he might be woke. Lies.). He'll take every opportunity to say the word 'nigga' when singing/rapping a song. He claims to love Black women - really just appropriates Black culture.
*Sidenote: Chad's daddy owns several yachts, doesn't believe in global warming, and is a top investor in Monsanto (click here to find out why they're evil).
Now that we've laid the proper foundation, let's take a deeper look at your probable encounter with Chad.
Step 1: Y'all meet on Tinder (don't be mistaken, the Chad's of the world are everywhere, not just Tinder).
Step 2: You swipe right. Chad "super-likes" you.
Step 3: Chad slides into your DM's, because Chad knows that it goes down in the DM's.
Step 4: You open the message expecting a little flirty banter (you played yaself).
Step 5: You begin to read Chad's first message, which goes a little something like this: "I knew I had to swipe right when I saw your Nubian cocoa, honey glazed skin. I already know you got some coconut essence, peanut butter thick thighs."
Step 6: At this point, you're trying to figure out why Chad thinks your Entenmann's latest pastry creation.
Now, if you actually give this boy the time of day (which you most likely will if this is your first time encountering a Chad) he'll end up taking you out on a date.
Step 7: The date will go horribly.
Step 8: In addition to this crappy date, there will be a point where Chad will reference French Montana and say something along the lines of "All I want for my birthday is a big booty hoe." This will definitely be in relation to you (big booty or not).
Step 9: You will go home, call your best friend and tell her about your first encounter with a Chad. Simultaneously, you will be deleting Chad's number and blocking Chad on every social media platform (just in case).
Step 10: Repeat. *This step is completely optional.
If you've already banished a Chad from your life, then take a moment to recognize your success. It's not easy.
My first Chad really had me fooled. I mistook his desire to fetishizse the Black woman's body, as love. I allowed him to tap into my own insecurities; my own perceived personal shortcomings. I didn't realize it until much later, but throughout the dating process, I somehow managed let Chad know that I hadn't fully developed my self-esteem. I somehow managed to let Chad know that I was ashamed of my dark-skin; so much so, that I needed a white man's validation. I thought it would end there, but my post-Chad period came with a false sense of confidence.
For all of my WOC, know that you are your biggest asset. You, are truly a tribute to all of those years of hard work that you and your ancestors had to do
Do not let Chad fool you. You're too damn cute for that type of mess.
*Disclaimer: God's good grace brought this blog to life.